Draft

There are some things we are not meant to see,
nor hear
nor taste.

Some ghosts prefer their privacy over frivolous social interactions.

Other poisons are best left un-ingested.










That's why I wear this helmet and always bring my own food.

The Diving Bell & The Hot Air Balloon

didn't it used to seem much easier?

all you had to do was move.

You feel like You're moving underwater.

Like those sticky weeds are catching at Your ankles, trying to drag You down.
Working to confuse You, twining and slippery and vague.

You might swim up higher and higher to avoid the depths.
But then You get altitude sickness and
soon have to struggle back down, flapping
Your arms hysterically and barking vomit -
basically You look like an idiot.
What the fuck?!

So, just for the sake of feeling like You're going forward, You might dive deeper, deeper, DEEPER than You ever have before, thinking that immersion and pressure and darkness will do the trick.
"I will move through this water, I will move under this water.",
but still later You emerge dripping wet and
slimey and tired.
Told You so.

Are you still looking for the middle, the creamy center, the luscious jet stream on which one can ride this dear Dear Life?












Is there a straight path, a smooth green lawn that never ends?
Where is the signage, the arrows with the glowing discs; the green lights, the empty freeway,
the gas pedal jamming down to the floor????

Can't you just let me through?

But maybe there is no path, no 

visible markers to point You on Your way.

Maybe the struggle is the.............

There is only this water which resists You,

and the weeds that grab and seem to

never want to let go.

(Next time try cutting them with Your knife.)

There is also the sky that beckons and

the bottomless depths always working silently underneath.

 *****************

"Posing on a bear skin rug"

She was searching for something.

As a child, She would look thru their closets, pushing aside coats and dresses and strange hangy things to see.....

what?
An easy answer at the very least!


The other closets were not unexplored, oh no.

In one she found her christmas presents.  A looooong yellow plastic Barbie camper.  Brand new in the box. Score!

In another she spent more time, sitting against the doorway reading through a box of comics, lewd and brightly colored. Violent and psychedelic.

It was exciting, finding all these clues, and a lot of work really, but what did they add up to?
They would explain it all,
you see
the closets were actually holes or entryways into the bigger mysteries of life.
Dig deep enough and you will be rewarded with knowledge.
Obviously!

Some of the inconsistencies:
She never saw Her wear that jewelry, it never left the ornate box that it lived in.

The pin with the red stone, the assorted and tangled necklaces.

The macrame choker.

What of the varied Vera scarves that never adorned her neck?

That hippie shirt way in the back, He never wore that.

Or did He?

He had also cameras in black leather boxes that beckoned you to unlock them.. wondering what alchemy you could create with these tools?

Finally, the questions clogged the closets, grew too numerous to delve for in the accessable doorways.
Too much was mysterious and webby, nothing was obvious or even as it seemed.
The search became too dangerous and fraught with disappointment.
She stopped looking.

Our Midnight Adventure: part one

We walked by that haunted house everyday for YEARS and never thought anything about it.

Until one day, we all started elbowing each other about it, and feeling like we
really REALLY wanted to go check it out.  On the inside.

So we were quick back then, we made plans to sneak out of our homes and meet by that huge
orange-leaved tree at midnight.  Then we'd walk 1 block down and 1 to the west to the haunted house.


I tell you, I spent the hours between dinner and midnight excited and a little sick.  I thought I should bring a flashlight.  I should bring my holy card.  Gloves and hat as it was cold.
Lots of stars out cold.
What would be in that house? Would it be like tresspassin since noone lives there?
Would we just be stirring up some trouble - I tell you, the thought did occur to me.


I pried the screen offa my window and climbed down via a tree branch.



The night was so quiet I heard a train whistle as if it were next door.
I jumped!






The others were at the tree when I got there, all of us excited and uneasy.  We started walking as one on some secret signal and gained the haunted house in a minute.

We stood and looked at it.


It looked down on us, all gables and peaks and whatta-ya-call-em, gingerbreads?  Except all rotting, all
decay.
It smelled down on us as well, a fact we never noticed as we were always hurrying by.  You could smell the icy rotting-ness of the tall grass lawn, all bent over and mashed down, swampy.  And behind that, a hulking presence of skull penetrating scent.  Just coming out of that house right into our heads so we had to turn and cough! Musty and moldy and sad.

The house it loomed up there, up a slight incline, waiting.


We approached slowly up the stone path, amazingly visible although no sole had trod it for years, we all thought.

 END PART ONE

My Shepherd

Lift the veil, peer beneath! 

It won't be pretty all the time, no.

But here, hold my hand.  I'll stay with you while we look.

(Your hand is warm.)

Is that ok, if I touch you?  

Good.

So look across, through, under and over.

Let's penetrate the fog that always seems to gather.

Can you see the other side?

Trick question!  You're not supposed to.

It's ok if you do, just know that it might change.

Don't be scared.

You can squeeze my fingers, that's allright.

The gems are usually hidden, sometimes

 in the middle where the goo and the chewy stuff is.

They're usually closer than you think.

You might overlook the really good stuff at first, it may look like garbage or 

something you'd want to avoid.

They might not even be there at all.

Would you be sad?

We can always try again, that expanse will never shorten, the veil doesn't  go away.

This is our chance, be brave and open your heart.

Let's hold tight and swim together, through the veil

to the other side.

********************************

Leavetaking

The rugs is stained and dark under my quiet feet.             

    

One day I walked through the kitchen, opened the back door and just walked on out.

I had my receiving dress on and a gun.

I didn't know I was even leaving until that morning when I stole the gun from him.

He was asleep, he didn't even know it.














I wondered why I was doing it as it was happening.

              But it was easy and that helped me to do it.     

        The sky was white hot noon when 

I stepped outside.

I didn't even look around, just headed straight for the road that ran in front of the hotel, east to west.

West sounded good, as good a direction as any.

I wondered if I should have planned this, maybe I shoulda gotten better prepared.

I didn't even have a coat!

But the time was speaking to me in that way that your insides do telling me to get out now! or else?

It was the else part that kept me from sleeping ever.


I wondered if I'd die out there, freeze to death or ?

So I told myself it's only putting one foot in front of the other.

And I kept on moving.



****************************

Nature Walk

We wanted to spend the day out in nature so we got in the car and drove for a bit.

We drove until we decided it must be time to stop, there it is NATURE all around us.

How glad to be here!

We got out of the car and went for a walk.

Saw many things.

Walked.

And as it started to grow dark, NATURE seemed to seize control of the happiness of the day and turn it  into something dark.

It was hard to tell what had changed, besides the light, to make it feel so...different.

Benign plants and trees suddenly took on sinister casts.

The shadows contained shadows containing nothing.

As we walked, with a little more quickness and a little less lightness, the voices started.

Hard to hear but THERE,  all around the voices of the trees and the shrubs and the ghosts and the bones of the ghosts.

The best thing to do was to let the talk float through you till it came out the other side.

We finally made it back to the car, in the dark, feeling as if it were a life raft in the midst of a hostile sea.

We left NATURE  to itself and brought ourselves back to the city, where the shadows belong to buildings and people, and the voices come from the t.v.